2010? 10? 10? 1,143 views ( 10 Comments )

(I’m really sorry if this post seems like a wall of text.  :D  TL;DR: I mad??.)

Lately, there has been some talk of Lolitas being bitches to others in public places. Not to just one another, but to people in general. buu_buu As an alternative fashion, Lolita gets attention from all walks of life, and in all kinds of  negative and positive spectrums. We’ve all had our share of wonderful reactions that just make you smile to yourself and make you feel a little better about wearing such a “strange outfit”. We’ve also shared the bad.

However, what I don’t understand, is our reactions in return. ;288 Many of us shy away, clam up or ignore comments and compliments alike. Brushing it off because we don’t want to get into it with someone, which is fine, I suppose.  Some of us are gracious and willing to either address rudeness in a calm manner and return compliments with “thank you“s and the like. The rest of us? ;378 Well, the rest of us sneer, we snarl (those ugly aghast looking faces), or we make some snide remark in return, even if there wasn’t any ill-will directed at us.

(Click for Larger. Dialogue below goes with it)

Me: Oh wow, it’s so nice to see other lolita actually out and about in these part. *hasn’t really seen others outside before* (not excited, real casual and relaxed) Your coord is lovely.

Lolita: … Thanks. (Doesn’t sound too pleased.)

Me: (here comes the stupid remark) ^^ There’s more of us, be happy~ you’re not alone.

Lolita: :| ..*just kinda nods her head and walks away without so much as a thank you*

Me to Richard: ._. Think I offended her with that last bit? I mean, I didn’t mean to sound as if I mistook her a newb if she wasn’t.

Richard: IDK. Maybe she’s just not in a good mood. -shrugs-

Again, this is not to say all Lolita have this reaction at one time or another but those that do this all the time really put a bad name to Lolita.  hk_brood It makes me wonder if some times, maybe they can’t help it. They’re just not sure how else to react other than possibly defensibly, aggressively or  rarely “Better-Than-You-Because-I-Spent-A-Bundle-and-Look-like-a-million-bucks“?? It feels good to wear lolita so, you can’t help to get a little defensive, or even a little hostile when someone says something about it to you. Especially, when you’re just trying to do your best to enjoy your clothes and how good they make you feel. le_sigh

Despite having had  a few negative responses myself (given to others), I was kind of offended that she’d brush me off like that. ;103  Was it because I wasn’t in lolita that day? Did I sound like I possibly mistook her for a noob?  ;183 After spending some time with a few more ‘mature’ (so to speak) lolitas, I’ve become more gracious of the positive reactions around me. Negative ones I brush off more often than I respond to nowadays and I feel all the better for it.

One experience I can share that was a bad reaction from me was, I was going to breakfast with Richard and we were waiting to be called since there was a long wait. So, I took him to the game store a few businesses over and I noticed a lady and her man following us from the waiting area. Brushed it off, maybe they were bored too.  Something seemed off, but I left it alone. Go in, start browsing and occasionally, I heard giggling from her. I left it alone, thinking they were joking to one another, and then I heard it from across the store, “Look, heehe, she’s got a little pony bag. *progressively louder* PFFT TEEHEEE!!!” I started glaring at her and I let my mouth go, “Look, she’s got a cheap $10 bag from Target!!!!” The lady looked embarrassed and left quickly. While she shouldn’t have stalked me just to make fun, I feel as though I really overreacted to the situation.

There’s not much we can do to curb this behavior entirely but we can try to better ourselves as this behavior comes more and more to light and as lolita is worn more and more in public places by more and more girls. (not counting meets, conventions or events of any kind)

Do you get defensive or hostile when you feel like you may be being made fun of?

What was your experience with a Lolita getting this way towards you? (In or out of lolita, yourself)

Where was this?

Did you shrug it off or did it kind of bother you? Why do you think?

(You can answer these as you like and you don’t have to do any or all of them)

Why do I feel like I was just rambling because I was bothered by it? … ”orz



  • Emma

    Do you get defen­sive or hos­tile when you feel like you may be being made fun of?

    Yes, but unless I’m sure I either try to brush it off or just watch it a bit more. Sometimes people can be brash and not even realise it. Once I know for sure they’re making fun of me I’m out of that situation asap.

    What was your expe­ri­ence with a Lolita get­ting this way towards you? (In or out of lolita, yourself)

    Not a lolita, but a cosplayer. I complimented their costume and they just nodded and ignored me after. Kinda weird to do that seeing as though I was the person they would’ve dealt with if they wanted to buy anything.

    Where was this?

    At a con. They looked awesome so idk if it was just because I wasn’t cosplaying and just in jeans or what.

    Did you shrug it off or did it kind of bother you? Why do you think?

    It bothered me a bit but I ended up shrugging it off. I know not everyone has common decency but if you can’t handle the heat then get out of the kitchen. I think thats why lolitas who complain and complain about attention (negative or positive) irk me. You can’t get into it thinking you’ll just blend in. People will notice and sometimes say something.

    I’ve only ever had niceness when complimenting lolitas. Even if they’re not looking their best I always compliment them and talk to them. It can be so discouraging for new lolitas to get only criticism.
    Though I think sometimes I’ve had nervousness, but thats most likely due to not taking compliments well, which is something you can’t hold against them.

  • http://tokushimaelephants.wordpress.com/ Emily

    You hit right on something I’ve been thinking about lately.

    Maybe this girl was having a bad or grumpy day. Or maybe she is a lolita who isn’t looking for affirmation or community. Either way, she shouldn’t have been rude!

    Or maybe…

    I really like lolita style… but I’m not Lolita. I own many clothes that are lolita, and sometimes I dress lolita (though I haven’t since becoming an assistant teacher, since I feel under intense scrutiny in my job and have toned down all my style).

    So…. this is a larger question/comment, I guess. What do you think of someone who dresses in a lolita fashion, but doesn’t identify as lolita? If I am approached by someone saying what you said, I would be more polite (and say Thank You!) but I wouldn’t be so excited because… I’m not lolita, and I’m not looking for other lolita or assurance that I’m not alone. I’m just dressing in a way I like, in my mood for the day.

    It seems that many people say that Lolita is more than just wearing a dress, and that getting it wrong makes you an Ita. But what if you are just wearing the dress, but not calling yourself a Lolita?

  • http://hrhqueenalexandria.blogspot.com/ Alexandria Web

    Do you get defen sive or hos tile when you feel like you may be being made fun of?

    If I feel like someone is making fun of me, I tend to just brush it off. You can’t please everybody, and if someone finds that making fun of other people is the only thing they can do to feel better about them self then that’s their problem not mine.

    What was your expe ri ence with a Lolita get ting this way towards you? (In or out of lolita, yourself)

    I’ve only ever seen Lolitas be bitchy to one another online, never in life, but even online it always seems to be the same few people, it just looks like more because they do it so often, I can understand how people think we’re all bitchy because of this, but thankfully we really aren’t.

    I think I answered the other two questions in my answers to the first.

  • Christine

    Do you get defen­sive or hos­tile when you feel like you may be being made fun of?
    I don’t give a crap because I love lolita, but when other people make fun of my friends… that’s when I get mad. Most of the people who make fun of lolis are seriously the people who look like tools. Why should I be offended that they need to act manly, and make fun of a bunch of girls? That says a lot more about them than me.

    What was your expe­ri­ence with a Lolita get­ting this way towards you? (In or out of lolita, yourself)
    Out of lolita I generally try to stay under the radar. Although I get the occasional “you’re cute hur hur” from strangers. ^^; In lolita I mostly get a lot of weird stares, but mostly, I get lots of questions and often get pulled into long conversations trying to explain myself. D:

    Where was this?
    Mostly at the malls.

    Did you shrug it off or did it kind of bother you? Why do you think?
    It bothers me for a bit, but there’s not point in being butthurt because it helps no one, and they don’t feel bad about making a mean comment to me… so DIRT OFF YO SHOULDERS! I just ignore it.

    Although lolis snubbing other lolis sort of ignores me. :X I can be a sneering loli to the general public sometimes, but never to any other lolis… Not even girls who are interested in loli, but don’t have it right (but legitimately want to lean). [Itas that are sneering itas are completely different].

    Thanks for sharing Sara! :3

  • Patuu

    Shouldn’t have asked…

    Do you get defensive or hostile when you feel like you may be being made fun of?
    Not really, I’m used to it (I’m 15 and I look like 12 -.-)

    What was your experience with a Lolita getting this way towards you? (In or out of lolita, yourself)
    As if. I don’t know anyone who even sees Lolita as something other than Nabokov related.

    Where was this?
    See previous question.

    Did you shrug it off or did it kind of bother you? Why do you think?
    Again see previous question.

  • http://www.pinkzombies.blogspot.com brandy von doeren

    oh gosh, sorry. I realized i was referring to another person from AZ after i saw that you live in southern CA. I’m a moron….I have been having the wonderful penpal idea in back of my mind for weeks, but recovering from surgery has been a silly distraction… I don’t have anything going on today and would love to put together a sweet little care package to get the penpal love going. if you want to email me at pinkzombies@live.com with your address. I’ll get it out as soon as Monday.
    What is your favorite color? What is your style of lolita?
    do you enjoy Asian treats?
    these will help me put together a proper care package for you.
    mine are-
    1) black and pink…. sometimes red and pale blue
    2) OTT sweet, sweet and deco sweet
    3) i live trying new things, but can’t have sweets for 4 more 4weeks.

  • Unanana

    Mmkay, Doki~n. I decided to respond for once actually ON your blog. Here goes:

    Do you get defensive or hostile when you feel like you may be being made fun of?

    -No, generally I try to brush it off but it always makes me feel really bad inside. =/ Very low self-esteem as it is.

    What was your experience with a Lolita getting this way towards you? (In or out of lolita, yourself)

    -OH THE HORROR STORIES I COULD TELL YOU. The only bad experiences I have had around lolitas from here was one in particular. She’s an attention-craving, conceited, childish brat. If she wasn’t the center of attention, she’d have a fit. I can elaborate over IM if need be. (Will give one example below.)

    Where was this?

    -Cons, friends’ houses, just about everywhere. She used to run a maid cafe. More horror stories.

    Did you shrug it off or did it kind of bother you? Why do you think?

    -The one time bothered me. We were at a friend’s birthday party (she wasn’t even invited. She only knew the girl through her boyfriend) and she was sulking in the corner because she wasn’t receiving any attention, as opposed to the birthday girl. Ugh.

  • http://hikaria.com Tiff

    Sorry i’m just going to type a general comment, not so much answers to the questions…

    I think a big part of why some Lolitas seem a bit ‘snarky’ sometimes is because they just want to wear their frills and be considered ‘normal’. When you’re wearing Lolita you’re feeling pretty conspicuous and you’re likely to be on your guard for people to act ‘abnormal’ towards you. Compliments, while nice, kind of fall outside that realm of normality, for example if you were a nice outfit normally you’d rarely get ‘normal’ people coming at you telling your your outfit is nice. So my theory is that even though a person is actually trying to be nice to you, you’re so on your guard for nasty comments that you end up misreading and misjudging situations and in the end you just don’t act appropriately.

    My theory aside, it doesn’t excuse people from acting this way at at all. Lolita is certainly a conspicuous dress and it is easy to be on guard for criticism when you’re in it. There is, however, no excuse for anyone to forget general manners no matter what you’re wearing.

  • Amelie Rose

    That girl may well have just been annoyed that she wasn’t the only Lolita around. Some girls love being so ‘unique’ and just can’t stand the thought that anyone else might dress this way too, like it’ll steal their public thunder.

    I normally totally ignore bad comments (why should I care what someone who buys cheap crappy quality clothes or thinks a tracksuit is publically decent thinks about my fashion?) but I think that was actually a pretty awesome reply to the Target-bag lady. Hah, I sound like such a clothing elitist, sorry! But now and then, people like that deserve it. Just because Lolitas look adorable doesn’t mean that they automatically have to put up with bad manners, because they look like they will. We’re normal women in strange clothes, and we have the same right to stand up for ourselves as anyone else. Why should we have to act all defenseless and fluffy?

    Okay, I don’t think acting defensive and rude is alright though. If you’re defensive over your clothes then your lack of confidence will surely show – and when in a fashion style very few people recognise, I myself think it’s quite important to give people a good impression of it.
    Whether we like it or not, we’re ambassadors of Lolita while wearing the style, and people will often judge all Lolitas, or even all alt dressers, by how those they’ve met have acted. It’s much better to remain dignified, calm and gracious, because then the public at large are that much more inclined to think of us all well if they meet more Lolitas. People are on the whole a bit afraid of alternative fashion styles, and we don’t need to perpetuate that stereotype.

  • http://doomicornrainbow.blogspot.com MissSpastic

    Honestly, I have no problem with snapping back a witty comment when someone cuts you down. However, this is when someone specifically says something uncalled for, such as something eluding to you being a freak or prostitute. If someone asks “…what are you wearing??” That’s no reason to get all defensive.
    The only time I’ve gotten really really mad at someone is when this guy wearing a black and bleach blonde highlighted Japanese mullet, skinny jeans, and a pinstriped vest told us to get away from his Hello Kitty store because we were scaring away customers. WHAT??? I could understand if he was some 65 year old redneck guy, but REALLY? I got a little defensive about that one lol


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