Adjusting to life with a newborn

Life with a newborn is a hell of a journey. I’ve had been there, done that parents (BTDT) who tell me that this is actually the easy stage. I am disinclined to agree. 

Like anyone, babies have their good days, and their bad days. Yves seems to have more bad days than good days. Or at least, that’s all the days I seem to worry about the most. 

Like today for example: I was going to attend the first lolita meetup that I had been to in God knows how long, but he decided he was going to have a meltdown for the rest of the day.  This outfit went to complete waste.

Pink and purple outfits!

Adorable as heck, right? 

Figuring out how to live your day to day life is like putting together a 5000+ piece puzzle, only to find out that it wasn’t 5,000 pieces. You misread the label, it’s more like 5,000,000,000,000 pieces and they all mostly look a like and you’re probably missing a piece or two but you have no idea.

Feeding Yves is another struggle all on it’s own. He has a very small window between:

fine –> Hungry –> HANGRY and inconsolable for atleast 30-60 minutes.

He must get it from my side of the family, because we’re all mostly like that when it comes to food. On one hand, we’re doing way better with breastfeeding which is leading to a decrease in my using formula to supplement. On the other hand, I’m about to go back to work and I have yet to try to see if I can cause an overproduction of milk so I can pump and store…which may lead back to formula supplementation

On the brightside, Yves was able to sleep through most of the night last night with minimal interruptions. I stayed up so that poor Papa Bear could get some sleep since he has been taking the night shift during the week (despite having work, however it just has to be this way because when I go back to work after this next week, I work NOC shift). 

Yves in the swing

What’s so funny about the swing is that this kid likes it on full blast.  I swore up and down that despite the safety straps, he was gonna fly out because it was swinging so hard, but he won’t have it any other speed. 

It’s the moment like these that really remind you why having a child is so special

Sleepy boy

Daddy's arm swing

Legit discovering that there is a baby on my phone. Spoiler: it’s him.

But first, let me take a selfie

The way this one turned out, it looks like Yves is taking a selfie with me. Did we end up on SnapChat? 

First 30 days

Yves is officially 1 month old!  

This has been one of the most trying months of my life. Learning to get used to a new baby is something else. I don’t care what anyone says, no amount of reading or advice from other people/moms can prepare you for the first 30 days of life. The sleep deprivation is unreal. I’ve had to get up, bright eyed and bushy tailed on 3 hours or less of sleep. Thankfully, Richard has been an amazing partner and father. He gets up with me in feed/change shifts so that we can get some solid shut eye between shifts. 

In a small little congratulations: My brother, three weeks after Yves was born, found out that his wife was 28 weeks pregnant. It was discovered when she went for a CT scan to check for additional adhesions from her endometriosis. They had to stop the scan due to finding the baby that my brother had no idea was there. After describing to me what the tech saw, I suggested he and his wife go to the ER complaining of cramps after hearing that she was recently pregnant in order to get a better idea as to how far along she was. Well, that’s when they confirmed she was pregnant but certainly NOT 10 weeks or less. They had almost had a baby and didn’t know!! (Someone call TLC. ) I’m so happy for my brother. He, of all people I know, deserves the most to have children.


Yves eats like a champ. No. Really. He eats like an olympian. There are times when I swear to God, he doesn’t get enough to eat because he will nurse, and nurse and nurse.  He’s gaining weight though, so he’s clearly getting enough.


Nowadays, we are working on increasing his upper body strength with tummy time. He’s handling it pretty well!


Until he gets lazy that is. Then he just likes to scoot around with his feet. peets~peets~peets~


Of course, when he realizes that I’m taking photos, he turns into a real ham sandwich. 

Welcome little Turkey.

On Thursday, July the 14th 2016, 29 days after the passing of Richard’s father, we welcomed our first born son into our lives.  We are so happy and proud. It was love and also confusion at first sight.

Born 7/14/2016

If you don’t want to read my labor story please skip ahead to the next set of 


 On the 13th of July, I went to the doctor for another prenatal checkup. I was 40 weeks and 4 days past due. I was super fed up with being pregnant and I had the firm belief that labor was not going to start on its own. We tried everything from sexy times, to warm baths, bouncing on birth balls and everything else. The past week at the previous appointment, I had shown signs of high blood pressure and asked if it was possible to be induced right on my due date, no go. The high b/p was probably more due to my stress and anxiety of my boy being born stillborn. (I had an extreme fear of this.) 

I jumped on that like a fly on a turd. I said, “I want to go now, right now.” He called the hospital and I stopped by my grandmother’s to let her know that it was baby time, grabbed the last of what I thought I needed from home and went.

I was given Cervadil —

By 5pm I was 6cm dilated and I finally conceded that I couldn’t handle the pain and asked for an epidural since the anesthesiologist was making his rounds. I was having tremors so badly in response to the pain, Richard kept asking if I was having seizures. I internalize physical pain so I wasn’t really doing more than grimacing and occasionally crying quiet tears/squeezing the ever loving crap out of his hand.

By 7pm it all went down hill fast. I quickly escalated to 9 centimeters. The nurses asked if I had any urge to push but the epidural worked so well on my right side that I wasn’t 100% sure. The crappy thing about that epidural was that my left side kept wearing off and so I’d feel this awful pain in my groin on the left.  7:15PM rolls around and I’m already pushing without realizing that’s what I was doing. The nurse starts freaking out because as I’m doing this, baby’s HR kept decelerating to zero.

They rolled me back and forth (though I was so withdrawn at this point that I screamed for them to stop and leave me on my side) to try and relieve the pressure on the baby or his cord whichever was causing the decels. It didn’t work. 6 more nurses showed up and began screaming for me to stop pushing. Again, I’m so withdrawn from the pain and all I can hear the little voice in my head say is, “Stop? Stop?! NO U. I can’t @#%$ing stop!” Richard started yelling it too and I managed to stop pushing.

In comes the doctor, having been interrupted at dinner (I was told he BARELY sat down with a tray before the cafe closed) just to deliver my son. Poor guy probably couldn’t even wash his hands before having to glove up and get to work because I was already crowning. After 4 huge pushes, and some murmurs that if I couldn’t do it that they’d push him back in and go for an emergency c-section, Turkey popped out. He didn’t really cry at first, but after stimulation he cried with a beautiful lusty cry. Scored 8 on the 1 minute APGAR and 9 on his 5 and 10 minute APGAR.

Due to the near-miss this had become, I was unable to do delayed cord clamping. Richard was able to make a secondary cut in the cord closer to where the stump would be since the OB had to get it cut fast. Of course, most of this story comes second-hand from Richard, whatever I could process through hearing and from video as our delivery was filmed from start to finish. (The actual delivery starting with the rolling/pushing).

Turkey was born at 8:06PM/20:06PM, July the 14th of 2016 at 6 lbs, 6 ounces and 19 inches long. I’m grateful to have him and Richard both.

I was not in pain during pushing, it literally was exactly as my nurse described: Like taking a dump. I didn’t even notice–thank you, epidural– that I had a 2nd degree vaginal tear and a 1st degree urethral tear. For such a small baby, that’s a lot of damage. 

It’s been a challenging week + 5 days postpartum. I’m frustrated a lot with Turkey, especially at night. I enjoy my sleep but he struggles so hard to sleep at night. It’ll pass, I know it will, and I’m doing my best to just put up with it.  I still kinda wanna just crawl in a hole and sleep though. The exhaustion is unreal.  Again, though, I am so grateful for Turkey and I am extremely grateful for Richard. He made my labor and delivery as soothing as he possibly could. He stood by my side and held my hand the whole way through. Start to finish.

Exhausted new dad

First bath at home

Mommy trying to be a newborn photographer

Mommy trying to be a newborn photographer

Peets peets peets

Mommy trying to be a newborn photographer

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